I’ve been asked many times, what inspired me to write this book. Right now, let’s face two cold, hard truths: (1) Black women are scarred, and (2) Black men are scarred. Throughout the centuries, frustration, disappointment, and despair on both sides has created a great divide between black women and black men. In the world of relationships, it has become increasingly difficult for black women to make an emotional, spiritual, and psychological connection with black men. For many women, particularly black women often find themselves saying, “Why can’t I find a good black man?”
It is my sincere belief that the thoughts and ideas outlined in my book will help answer numerous questions with which black women continue to struggle regarding their relationships with men—particularly black American men, such as: Why will he bed me but not wed me? Why are black men continuing to cross the fence in alarming numbers? Why are many black men becoming more hesitant to approach black women? Why are so many black men disappointed, discouraged, and frustrated with many black women? Why do many black men see black women as too difficult and too complicated to deal with? Why do many black men perceive a lot of black women as being money hungry, high maintenance, materialistic gold diggers with “get paid” mentalities? Why have many black men lost love and respect for a lot of black women? Why many black men feel a lot of black women no longer know how to love them, care for them, and nurture them. Why are black men divorcing black women at an alarmingly high rate? Why many black men feel a lot of black women don’t make good homemakers nor can they keep a peaceful home. Why many black men feel a lot of black women have a “too independent” mentality and have a problem with “letting the man be the man” in the relationship or marriage. These are some of the questions that are answered in this book.
As a result of their frustration and disappointment with black women, many black men have vowed to never date or marry another black woman and have chosen to cross color lines in unbelievably large numbers. For those black men, having a strong Nubian queen by their side has become nothing more than a pipe dream they used to have. For them, dating outside their race is no longer taboo and no longer creates the innate feeling of betraying black women.
Sadly, this is an epidemic that has spread all over America. The reality is, many black women are hitting home runs in their careers but striking out in their relationships and marriages. I personally know five black men that are in the process of going through a divorce. All five of them are married to black women. When I asked the question “why are you getting a divorce”? It is very ironic that they are all getting a divorce for the same reasons. Like many other black men in America, they too have now vowed never to date or marry another black woman ever again. The truth of the matter is, many black women are sinking and drowning, according to many black men.
I can no longer sit back and continue to watch the divide between black men and black women diminish. God knows, if there ever was a time when black men and women should face the challenges in our relationships with one another, it is now! But repairing our relationships is going to require change in both black women and black men.
This book addresses many issues that black men and women continue to knowingly sweep under the carpet. It is my hope that the exhilarating phenomenon of love between black men and women will not only be rejuvenated, but will also be taken to even higher heights in the process.
My ultimate goal is that this book will encourage black women to step back for a moment and take an introspective look at themselves and the part they play in beginning, building, and sustaining healthy relationships with black men. Whether you are a woman who requires only a minor adjustment, or you are a woman in need of a major overhaul, critical self-examination is the key to tearing down the walls that impede the growth of your relationships with black men.
This is why it was so important for me to write this book. I want to inform black women in America what they need to do to help restore the faith of good-quality black men. I want black women to understand that I wrote this book as a wake-up call.